


give me arms to pray with instead of ones that hold too tightly

by heymickey



Series: to be alone with you [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Love Confessions, Nightmares, bucky gets a puppy, come with me on this journey, florence's new album is a godsend and is now responsible for this update, getting a lil more risqué, no idea where this is leading to atm but it's somewhere, retro flirting, this is a ragtag fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-07-04 10:04:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15839016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heymickey/pseuds/heymickey
Summary: james and anna continue and strengthen their relationship and here are some vignettes that give glimpses into that beautiful love.also, they get dog(s) and this is basically a self indulgent fic. thank you and goodnight.





	give me arms to pray with instead of ones that hold too tightly

**Author's Note:**

> if you wanna listen to something as you read this i recommend the new florence and the machine album high as hope because that's all i've been listening to lately. particularly 100 Years and no choir are highly related to this fic.

steve visited james periodically, mostly to check up on him but sometimes his visits seemed more like a recruitment trip than anything else. he has tried to get bucky to join him in his covert SHIELD like operations ever since they came back from wakanda. james, however, was not in the least bit interested. he didn’t want to go back to that life of fighting and hurting people. he was tired. he had joined up for the war effort and had planned on coming home. he didn’t realize his service would be for over seventy years. he was done. he wanted to go back to civilian life. he didn’t want the world on his shoulders anymore. so he politely refused or changed the subject whenever steve brought it up. the most recent time had been different though. steve came as usual and james was showing him an episode of how it’s made, a tv show that james was mildly obsessed with. and much to james’ annoyance, steve was barely paying attention. “have you reconsidered coming back to new york?” steve asked cutting through james’ fascination at how solar panels are made and making him frown. “i’ve already told a thousand times, steve; i’m not going back.” “buck, come on. what are you even doing here? are you just hanging around and laying low? you need to do something so why not do something with me that helps people.”

“because that’s not all that you’re doing, steve. my war is over. i just want to settle down and not be involved in anything anymore. i think i’ve done enough damage as it is.” james got up from the couch and headed to the kitchen to get something to drink, leaving steve to sigh yet again at his oldest friend.

“okay, fine.” he said loud enough for james to hear from the other room. steve got up from the couch and joined james in the kitchen. he leaned on the counter next to james and said “but just remember that i’m not the only one that wants you to come back but i may be the only the one that actually asks for your consent.” he let that hang in the air for a moment. james’ shoulders tensing with annoyance and acute fear at the prospect of being forcibly removed from this life he was building and the looming threats of this new modern life he was thrust into. steve sighed and changed the subject when he saw that james wasn’t going to respond to that. “well then what are you going to do? you can’t keep lounging at home watching tv. you’re going to need to get a job.”

“yeah i’m not funded by super secret benefactors slash the government so i got a job awhile ago. i work out at a construction site part time but i think i’m going to ask anna about taking some classes at the college she works at so i don’t have to do construction forever. i don’t know what classes yet but i’ll figure something out.” steve got a sort of sad smile on his face. he was silent for a moment before responding.

“i’m glad you’re moving on, buck. i wish you were willing to work with me but i understand where you are coming from and i’m not going to force you to join if you don’t want to. i just want something for you.” he met james’ eyes “ i think you’re making something for yourself here and i’m really proud of you, buck.” they smiled at each other and james thanked him. they sat in their silence for a moment before steve got a smirk on his face that worried james as to where their next conversation was going. “so, anna. how’s that going?”

a furious blush raised up james’ cheeks. back in the forties, james had been confident in his dalliances with women and didn’t get flustered in any way. but with anna it’s different. their whole relationship seems so in a bubble and private that to speak about it with anyone other than anna seems like telling a secret or revealing a soft part of himself. it didn’t seem right but it felt great to have an excuse to think about anna. a small close lipped smile erupted on james’ lips.

“uh yeah it’s been going well. she’s great.”

“the last time i saw you guys you were hopeless around her. are you still just friends or you going steady? come on, jerk, give me more details.”

“you’re a nosey little punk.” steve nudged james’ arm to tell him both shut up and keep going. “well i guess you could say that we’re going steady. we haven’t spoken about it really but we both know that we’re more than just friends to each other.”

“that’s great, buck!” just then a trilling sound came from the living room.

“speak of the devil,” james said. he walked over to the book shelf to pick up a ringing ipad with a request to facetime from anna. he accepted the call and held up the ipad in front of his face as he sat on the couch. when they connected and her face popped up on his screen, he smiled and greeted her with a simple hey.

“hi, james.” she had her headphones in and her hair was breezing into her face. she was obviously outside and she was walking somewhere. “i’m on my way to sal’s. do you want anything? i can drop something off on my way home.” steve’s eyebrows rose the casualness of the call. he sat down on the sofa next to james but out of the view of james’ camera.

a sound of a bell came through the speakers as anna walked into the café. “sure, can you show me the food display?” anna switched to the back facing camera to show the selection of delicacies at sal’s.

“such a voracious snacker,” she joked. “those bagels look good.” james hummed his agreement.

“you should get one of those.” after apparently only now remembering that steve was the room, james let out a small oh sound before he said to anna, “ wait steve is here too.” he turned to steve and asked if he wanted anything. but before he could answer, anna switched back to the front facing camera so steve could see her.

“hi steve! how are you? james, let me see steve.” james tilted the ipad to let steve in. at the sight of him, anna waved and steve smiled and greeted her.

“i’m good, anna! you don’t need to get me anything.”

“but steve look at the bagels.” her camera was switched again and she got closer to the bagels and all of their glory. “they’re so good. have you ever had a bagel from sal’s? they’re so good. they even have an asiago bagel!” anna gushed to him to persuade him to get something. steve laughed at anna’s tactics.

“okay fine you’ve convinced me. i’ll take the plain bagel,” steve finally acquiesced. a small snort came over the speaker.

“okay got it. a plain bagel for the all american captain. jamie, what do you want?”

“i’ll take the everything bagel. i have cream cheese here so you don’t need to get it there.”

“okay sweet. i’ll stop by soon with the bagels.”

“see you soon,” james replied and ended the call. the two men sat next to each other in silence, an odd tension between them.

“well that was cute.” steve finally quipped. the tension instantly evaporated as james groaned at his friend.

“god you’re so annoying.” he got up to put the iPad back where it lay before.

ten minutes later, two quick knocks and the sound of the front door of james’ apartment opening reached james and steve who were still sitting on the couch.

“i come bearing gifts!” james had leapt up when he heard the door opening and had made his way over to help her carry in her offerings. they placed quick kisses to each other’s cheeks in greeting. they brought the goods over to the kitchen table and laid it all out. james got the cream cheese out of the fridge and the three of them sat at the table to eat their snacks.

anna had also gotten drinks and slid over to steve a cup similar to james’. “i realized as i was ordering that i didn’t ask you for a drink so i just got you what james gets. i hope that’s okay.”

“depends on what he drinks.” he said as he gave a side eye over to the man in question.

“like i’ve always taken- black.” anna’s eye brows raised up as she remembered something and she put her hand on his forearm to get his attention.

“oh! they had that ethiopian dark roast you like back in stock so that’s what i got you guys.” james’ eyes lit up at the prospect of his favorite coffee at sal’s. during his short stint in wakanda, james had become enamored with their coffee. obviously, sal’s didn’t have wakandan coffee but out of the surrounding areas, james had come to like the ethiopian blend the best. he was always excited when sal got a new shipment in.

“thanks, lulu” james said before taking a sip of his warm brew. steve’s ears perked up at the nickname that he hadn’t heard since the forties and his eyes darted between the two. anna had a small, warm, and loving smile as she gazed at james for a moment before looking at steve. this display of affection struck a cord with steve. buck had found someone and it was obvious that the affection between them was mutual. steve’s life of spying and world-saving wasn’t suitable for james and he was going to make sure that james didn’t have to go back.

“so steve, how’s life back in new york?” anna asked as she prepped her asiago bagel. a nice and easy going conversation followed with steve giving avengers anecdotes and james and anna detailing the weird people they have seen out and about. it was nice. it was something steve imagined they would be doing if hydra wasn’t in existence and they had lived as normal soldiers who came back from the war. just two friends and one of their girlfriends sitting around having an afternoon snack with good conversation to pass the time. it made him ache for all the time they missed but he was glad to be doing it now.

••••••

a few days after steve left, james had gone over to anna’s for one of their usual nights in. anna had requested james pick up an order of thai food on his way over because she was craving cashew chicken and didn’t want to actually make anything that night.

they were sitting on the floor at the coffee table with their backs to the couch while some nature documentary played on the tv at a low volume. anna could be single minded about her meals sometimes and that night had been a prime example. she had been so excited and hungry for this plate that she became engrossed in it. that left james to think about some things that steve had said while he was visiting. he couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that steve wasn’t the only one that wanted him to go back to new york or d.c. others wanted him just as bad. every time he thought about going back he panicked a little bit. he could only imagine what people wanted from him and all those possibilities were nightmares to him.

however engrossed anna was in her meal, she wasn’t oblivious to the odd energy coming from james. she was trying to come up with a good way to start the conversation when james spoke, saving her from contemplating anymore.

“anna,” his voice was soft and small like he didn’t know how he was going to say what he was going to say but he needed to say something. “i wanted to talk to you about something.”

anna put her chopsticks down and focused her gaze on him. his wasn’t on her but on his hands in his lap. “what’s that?”

“when steve comes to visit he usually tries to get me to come back to new york with him.” anna’s eyebrow twitches up in intrigue and caution at this. her mind had jumped to a conclusion that she didn’t like but she was willing to wait to see where he took this. “he thinks that i should be doing something and why not with him and the avengers in new york.” her brows furrow at this. he is doing something though, anna said to herself. he chanced a glance up at her and saw her face of concentration that often looked like she was mad or upset about something. he gulped. “i always tell him no, that i’m happy here and i don’t want to go back. i’m done fighting.” anna face softened a bit but there was still apprehension present on her face. “he backed down and said that he’ll stop trying to convince me to leave.” he paused for a second “but he also reminded me that he’s not the only one that wants me back and out of the general public.” he took a deep breath before he continued because he never wanted anything this heavy to be a part of anna’s life. “so if some day you can’t find me or i leave without telling you, you need to know that i didn’t leave willingly. there are people that want me to answer for what i’ve done or want to keep exploiting what i have been turned into.” his face and voice had become a bit desperate as his eyes gained a shine to them that wasn’t there a minute ago. “i don’t want to be a soldier anymore. i’m so tired.”

anna’s heart broke a little right then and there to see james like this. at his last statement, she went to him, kneeling, and pulled him into a hug with his head coming to lie on her chest. she threaded her hand through his hair and his arms snaked around her waist. her knees started to hurt so she lowered them down until she was sitting on the ground again with james still leaning into her. her head drooped a little to rest on the top of his head. she placed a slow and chaste kiss to his hair before placing her cheek on that same spot.

“you don’t need to fight anymore.” anna said in a low voice. her own eyes had become shiny with unshed tears at the emotion that had built up within her for james. these past few months with him have been nothing short of amazing. she couldn’t have anticipated just how much the man sitting next to her at sal’s would mean to her when she first noticed him. anna herself had been alone for so long before meeting james that the ease in which he fit into her life was almost frightening. she longed for something like this but when it manifested, it scared her to think about it for too long. the implications of her feelings for him meant that she didn’t want to not have him in her life. but his life was so precarious at the moment. she realized that he could so easily be taken from her by forces out of her control- the regular forces of every day life but also those of the powers that be and their global agenda that james happened to be a part of. she shifted so she could hold him more securely and tightened her grip on him. she would do everything she could help him get out of that international spider web. he deserved rest.

they stayed like that for awhile. neither wanted to leave the other’s embrace. james’ own thoughts were racing too fast for him to actually comprehend but one phrase kept coming at him in a loop: i don’t want to leave. it got to the point where the only thing going through his mind was that phrase. it slipped through his filter and came spilling from his lips in a ragged voice. “i don’t want to leave.”

anna’s hand left his hair to slide to his cheek. she held his face up to hers and she whispered “i don’t want you to either.” her forehead dipped to rest on his. “i never want you to go. don’t go where i can’t follow.” a single tear fell from each of her eyes and down her cheeks.

james’ heart stuttered at her declarations. he had never felt such love from someone who wasn’t family in some way. he couldn’t believe that he had found somebody like her. he shifted up into a proper sitting position. anna’s hand that had been on his back fell to his thigh and the one on his face had fallen to his neck while his were brought up her to cheeks and he smoothed his thumbs over them to both caress her and to wipe away at the tears that had fallen. james said a quiet yet emotional “never” before bringing his lips to anna’s in a kiss full of love and longing that conveyed more emotional than he was probably intending.

anna brought her arms around his neck and gave back just as much back. it didn’t last as long though because both of their chests were burning from lack of oxygen and emotions that were turning their chests tight. their foreheads returned to their holy palmer’s kiss.

james stayed over that night. they couldn’t think about leaving each other right then. they were laying in bed when anna fell asleep with her head resting on his chest and her arm and leg wrapped around him. he was on his side so that she was supported by his flesh arm and encased by his bionic one. he was rubbing circles on her back when the thought came to him that he loved her. so simple and finite. he looked down at her face and brushed a stray piece of hair from her face before caressing the apple of her cheek. he murmured those three words with the intention of telling her when she was awake but couldn’t help but say them now before he fell asleep.

••••••••

anna felt an abnormal heat across her lower back. she had been in a deep sleep when she felt the heat and couldn’t escape it. quickly becoming awake, she realized that the heat was coming from james’ bionic arm. a whirring noise was emitting from it at an alarming volume. she could feel thrumming tense vibrations coming from his body. at that moment she realized that he was having a nightmare - one of the ones that he had been apprehensive about. she froze for a second thinking about what she should do. she couldn’t take the heat for much longer but she also didn’t want to startle him awake or leave him to his nightmare. they hadn’t really talked about what she should do in this situation. he had spoken to what his nightmares entailed in some detail but never how he dealt with them. he had said that he disassociates sometimes so she didn’t want to accidentally wake him up if he was going to come to as the winter soldier.

but she needed to do something.

so she decided to get up and escape the heat. she went to the bathroom and grabbed a towel and wetted it with cold water to get it damp but not soaking. first she put it to her back and then walked back the bed. she paused at the edge of the bed observing him. his brows were furrowed and he sweating up a storm. she could tell how hard he was trying to keep still. his body was drawn taut with tension. something pulled at her heartstrings as she gazed at him. trying not to wake him, she sat on the other side of the bed facing him with her cold towel. she fidgeted with the towel in her hands. should i really do this? indecision was wracking her brain. the question and several different outcomes played out in her mind which rendered her almost useless neither going forward to try and wake him up nor deciding to not wake him up.

ultimately she didn’t need to make the decision (this time) because he woke up with a start. he took a sharp inhale as his eyes opened, his arms going to tighten on what would have been her body. her absence became evident to him and his head whipped up to look for her. “anna?” he said in a rushed and panicked whisper. his eyes quickly found hers. he released a relieved breath to see that she was still there, but she was still shaken. he brought his bionic arm to drape across his face but quickly pulled it back as he felt the heat. he looked at his arm in confusion.

“here.” anna murmured in a tight voice and handed him the cool towel. he took it and wrapped it around the metal to cool it off. he turned back to anna and saw the way she was holding herself. she looked like she would be clutching the pearls at her neck if she had any on and her face was set in a frown with wide and shiny eyes and furrowed brows. she was clearly distressed about what just happened but to james it just looked like she was hurt which was absolutely not something he wanted. his thoughts quickly turned to concern for her. he sat up and leaned his back up against the headboard in a swift motion.

“did i hurt you?” he reached out his flesh hand out to her but pulled it back before they made contact because he didn’t know if she wanted him to touch her if he had hurt her. he waited for her to respond but all she did was shake her head no. tears started to leak out of her eyes. that made him jump into action. he pushed the covers off his legs and came closer to her. a sob ripped through her chest and harsh breaths came out of her mouth. james brought one of his hands to her face and looked her the eyes. “hey” he said softly with concern “what happened?” she looked between sobbing her eyes out and a heart attack.

“i- i- i-“ she took in a big breath to try and calm herself down but it just made her hyperventilate more. james brought her face to his chest and petted at her hair while letting out soft shushing sounds to wait this out. he kept his breaths as even as he could so she could use his rhythm to straighten hers out. he laid them back down and anna quickly wrapped herself around him. her breathing evened out enough for her to talk a little bit “i didn’t know what to do. i didn’t know if i should wake you or not.”

“oh doll” he hugged her to him a little tighter. when he had thought about having a nightmare when she was around he had anticipated him hurting her physically or disassociating into the Soldier. he never thought about how she would deal with it. he felt horrible. he had dealt with his fair share of panic attacks whether they be his own or one of his fellow soldiers in the war or even steve’s but he had never had to deal with anna’s before. she had told him that she gets them sometimes and that she can slip into what she calls moods (which were basically depressive episodes that don’t happen enough for her to think she needed to seek out therapy) but he had only seen a mood, which was alarming enough, before never an attack like this. it was throwing him for a loop to be honest but he would think about it later. right now he needed to focus on anna.

eventually she gained her normal breathing back and her tears stopped falling. “i’m sorry. i just couldn’t figure out what to do. i wanted to help you and to wake you up but i remembered all the stuff you told me and i didn’t want to put me or you in that position so i just…. i just froze.” she turned her head so she was nowhere near looking at him. james stayed quiet for a moment, rubbing her back in soothing circles before speaking.

“you did good, anna.” she moved to look at his face a little bit in shock and a little bit in search for the reassurance he was offering. “i’m glad you didn’t wake me up because i don’t know what would have happened.” he moved his hand to her cheek after brushing a piece of hair from her forehead and letting the caress transform into a light cupping of the cheek. “i never want you to put yourself into harm’s way for me. if it happens again just do what you did this time. just wait it out.” she gave a small nod and brought one of her hands to the one of his that is on her cheek. she closed her eyes and slightly nuzzled into his hand.

upon opening her eyes, she saw james’ features harden and his eyes go distant as his head leaned back against the headboard.

“hey,” anna gently prods.

“i should have prepared you more. i’m sorry i put you in this position.” this time it was james’ turn to not look at anna. anna sat up and held james’ hand in her own.

“you didn’t know it was going to happen.” she said softly. at that james cut her a look that said that that didn’t matter to him and that wasn’t an excuse. “hey” she said a bit sharper “if we’re going to keep doing this then we need to learn how to be around each other. you could have prepped me all you wanted but i may still have frozen and forgotten everything and we would have been in the same spot. i don’t want you blaming yourself for something you didn’t have control over.” he gave a well worn look of resignation.

“but i still did it.” anna sighed and gave him a sad look.

“i love your sense of responsibility and all that but i need you to recognize when you are actually responsible for something.” she took a moment to breath because she knew that what she just said had more implications than just being sorry for a nightmare. “in this moment right here, neither of us have anything to answer for. the universe or whatever just happened and we worked through it. some things just happen through no fault of anybody else. this is one of those times.” he still didn’t look thoroughly convinced but convinced enough that it wasn’t going to consume his whole day. she patted his hand with new energy. “now come on, i’m hungry; let’s make breakfast.” she climbed out of bed and put her slippers on before making her way to the kitchen with james slowly following.

a small hook of guilt was still stuck in him throughout the day but he could work past it. later in the day while anna took a nap he grabbed a journal and worked through it by writing. the instinct to prepare kicked in. he may not have had that particularly trait before hydra gave him a mission-minded outlook but it came in handy at this moment. he transitioned into an entirely new notebook and started creating plans with back up plans to the back up plans to the back up plans in the event he was called back to d.c. or new york or even if hydra came back to retrieve “their asset.” he decided he would leave it to anna for her to follow his instructions when he was gone. nothing was going to happen to her if he could help it.

••••••••

the way he said i love you was in no grand fashion. his feelings gave him a sense of peace that was only able to be expressed through those three words. so simple and sure.

she hadn’t needed to do anything special to warrant his declaration. he said them in the same spot where they first kissed - lying in bed with the hazy morning light illuminating the room as he watched her wake up. his thumb caressed her cheekbone as they said their good mornings. anna closed her eyes again in comfort.

“anna,” he prompted her in that low morning voice that they had perfected in their time together. she only let out a soft hmm in response, her eyes still closed. “i love you.” a sleepy smiled spread across her face as she slowly opened her grassy colored eyes to meet his ocean ones before returning his sentiment.

they didn’t move much from bed that day, content to just lay in each other’s arms for awhile and bask in their love.

••••••••

he kept the contingency journal a secret from anna. she didn’t need to know about it until she needed to use it. the frequency of their overnight stays at the other’s place increased. soon each had drawers filled with their belongings at the other’s place. they had no real set pattern for which place they stayed at. it mostly depended on who got off of work first. one would come to the other or they would meet up at sal’s and then go from there. anna’s was infinitely more lived in and cozy and had more amenities but james’ had a certain spartan charm to it. it was clear that he didn’t have much by way of personal belongings but he had amassed a few things in his time at that apartment.

they were at his apartment one night when anna asked, “how long have you lived in this apartment?” she had been slowly moving her gaze around his place as they quietly sat on the couch for awhile.

“bout a year.” anna hummed in response. she didn’t have an immediate follow up question so his attention returned to his ipad.

“how long is your lease for?” james’ head snapped up at that. he had to think about that.

“uhh a year i think.”

“what are you going to do? are you going to re-up on your lease or look for a new place?” james looked over to anna trying to see where she was going with this. she tilted her head to the side waiting for his answer.

“i don’t know. it would probably be easiest to just keep this place.” he said a bit hesitantly. james felt like this was one of those lines of questioning that had an ulterior motive but he couldn’t really tell what it was. it all felt like answering trick questions.

“okay because i was going to say that if you didn’t want to stay here then you could always stay with me.” she said simply but the set of her eyes held slight bit of apprehension. they way she said it was nonchalant but the feelings behind it certainly weren’t.

james sat silently for a moment taking in what she had just suggested. he ran the possibility over in his head. there seemed to be so many immediate positives but he still held back. his mind was telling him to wait, wait, wait, instead of jumping at the opportunity. while it would be amazing to be with anna all the time, he still held reservations about his wellbeing and her safety.

his mind was going a mile a minute weighing the pros and cons when anna cut in, “you don’t have to commit right now or anything. it was just an option i wanted to present to you.” she fidgeted with the book in her hands before getting up and going to the kitchen to prepare a cup of tea.

i’m going to have to tweak the plans was the thought he had before getting up and walking up behind anna at the kitchen counter to hug her from behind. he nuzzled into her neck as her head lent back onto his shoulder. he pressed soft kiss to the column of her neck before bringing his lips to her ear to say, “i’d love to take you up on your offer.”

her previously closed eyes popped open in surprise and she turned around to look him in the eyes. “really?”

“yeah, anna. i’d love to move in with you.” a huge smile split onto her face and in response one grew on his.

••••••••

a week after james moved in with anna (which only took half a day due to his spartan habits), they were walking on the paths through a nearby park. they had taken to doing this every sunday if it was nice outside. it gave them an excuse to get outside as well as an opportunity to people watch some more. on that particular day there was a commotion going on towards the center of the park. a local dog shelter was having an adoption day and they had their dogs on display and at a discounted price. a handful of adults gathered around the pens with several children running between to look at all the dogs.

“let’s go see the dogs!” anna said excited as she dragged james by the hand she was holding over to the shelter’s set up. there was a variety of dogs spread out in several pens. some were lazing about while others were aggressively wagging their tails at the people passing them. a gaggle of children were gathered around one particular pen when james and anna walked by. a small blur of black and brown was racing through the legs of the children swiftly evading all of their small grubby hands. they would go to catch it but it would quickly squirm out of their hands.

james stopped and waited for the dog to come near him before quickly swiping down and picking the dog up. he brought the little rascal up to his chest and looked at it face to face. a stare off commenced between james and this small ball of black and brown fur. all of the children gazed up in wonder as james’ stern yet blank face broke out into one of delighted confusion as the little yorkie gave the cutest and tiniest kiss to his nose. the dog had settled into james’ arms and look content to be held for the foreseeable future. it’s tongue lolled out of its mouth in comfort.

james turned to anna and gave her a look that screamed “what the hell just happened?” a pleased and slightly smug smile was firmly planted on anna’s face and one of her eyebrows quirked up.

“looks like we’re getting a dog,” she said simply. james nodded gravely before looking back down at the dog and a tiny closed lip smile settled onto his face.

they learned that their yorkie was indeed a female and the shelter had named it smoky. the woman manning the adoption table had told them the story behind the dog’s name. there had been a yorkie that was found alone in a ditch in the middle of world war ii by a soldier and was adopted by the regiment. smoky would go on missions and after the war did tours to VA hospitals. the intern that named smoky was a history major and was always pulling names from history for the shelter dogs.

james gave a soft smile and turned to anna and said in a low voice, “i remember that.” anna gave him a bright smile and brought her hand up to squeeze his bicep gently in acknowledgement. instead of just writing his memories down, he has started to tell anna things that he remembers. mostly innocuous things like this when they pop up.

james carried smoky home because he didn’t want to disturb the cute little cherub in his arms. anna carried the starter kit that the shelter had given them to hold them over until they could get to a pet supply store the next day. they brought smoky back to their apartment and got her acclimated to the apartment.

smoky became james’ shadow. everywhere he went went so did smoky. she liked anna well enough but this was definitely James’ Dog. they were often caught snuggled up on the couch together (there was an abundance of photographic evidence on anna’s phone). more than just smoky falling in love with james, james fell in love with smoky. he doted on her all the time. he loved taking her to the dog park or just playing with her in the apartment with her toys.

as much as smoky was loved james was actually the one that brought up getting another dog. both he and anna saw that he was taking comfort in having a dog. they started to discuss and research what kind of dog they wanted to get next. to anna, james only said that he wanted a bigger dog but in the back of his mind he wanted a tougher dog, one that would help protect anna if he was ever away for some reason. to her credit, anna knew all of this but she wasn’t going to confront him about. she let him get away with some things because she knew it gave him a little ease of mind. also she wanted a big pupper to cuddle. it was a win-win situation.

they went back to the same shelter after a few months and selected another pup- this one an all black german shepherd that seemed to always be on the look out. she stood at attention when anna and james were walking through the shelter. just like smokey it didn’t take very long for them to come to a decision. together they chose who the shelter called shadow due to her coloring. anna asked they could change her name because she had had a cat named shadow when she was younger that was quite mean so she didn’t want another pet with that name.

james offered the name strazha. he said it meant watcher or warder in russian. anna knew that he knew other languages and would often slip some into conversation but not very often. she hadn’t heard him speak russian in anything other than a mutter so she didn’t realize until right in that shelter that james speaking in russian did Things ™ to her. a shiver had gone up her spine at strazha’s name on james’ lips. anna agreed to the name because it sounded cool but also to keep james speaking russian in some capacity.

anna got more than she ever bargained for with strazha because james took it upon himself to train strazha in a way he never did with smoky. smoky seemed more like the free spirited wild child next to the slightly more serious and solemn strazha. james took strazha to obedience classes where he would train her using russian. all of her commands were in russian which led to james having to teach anna some russian because strazha was anna’s dog too.

she learned all of the commands but by far her favorite thing were the terms of endearment. james had a variety of pet names that he would use like solnishka or galoopka or meelaya but her favorite was just another version of her name - anechka. it was basically the russian version of annie, which was a nickname that anna had never liked but the russian diminutive made her heart flutter and her cheeks heat up when she first heard it.

james had been sitting on the couch fiddling with his iPad not really paying attention to anything. anna had called out his name from where she was sitting on the ground in the living room playing with smoky to get his attention so he could witness the puppy cuteness but he only gave a low non-committal response and didn’t take his eyes off the ipad. anna narrowed her eyes at him for this response. he had been on that thing all afternoon doing mysterious things that he wouldn’t elaborate on so now was the time to distract him. anna picked up smokey and walked to james and stood in front of him in between his legs.

“james” she tried again but only got the same response. she snatched the iPad out of his hand at which he had cried out “hey” as she straddled his hips and sunk down onto his lap. his hands rested on her waist. not that he was mad to have her in his lap but he was confused as to why it was happening.

anna held smoky to her chest whiling scratching at between her ears. she looked lovingly down at the dog as she said, “he’s more interested in his iPad than us, isn’t he? ever since he figured out the internet the real world just isn’t enough anymore.” she rested her head against smoky’s and looked at james with a pout.

james was not impressed. he rubbed his thumbs in circles over her hip bones as he gave her a look that was slightly amused but was still exasperated. anna pulled smoky in front of herself to put james nose to nose with smoky.

“how could you ignore a face like this?” right on time smoky gave james a kiss on the nose. james scrunched his nose up and took smoky from her and set the dog down on the couch. smoky ran off without much hesitation. once smoky was out of the way james lunged to encase anna in his arms. he rotated them so he was on top of her on the couch. anna cried out in surprise, “jamie!” her hands had come to grip his shoulders.

a devilish smirk came over james’ lips as his hands slowly drifted up her sides where he turned on her and started tickling her sides. a loud shriek of laughter and surprise left anna as she tried to squirm away from james’ dancing fingers. she couldn't go anywhere though due to james’ hulking mass and the couch engulfing her. he only stopped his assault when anna started hiccuping at an increasing frequency and she told him to stop. they didn’t move from their position though. james just settled into the cradle of her hips and his arms burrowed under her shoulders so that his fingers were carding through her hair in a soothing motion.

“aw, anechka, are you okay?” james asked in a mix of affection, amusement, and a slight bit of concern. anna’s hiccups were usually a phenomenon that ripped through her and looked like they hurt (which they did). a particularly nasty hiccup wracked through her at the notice of the term of endearment that james spoke as her breath was affected by the utterance. she could only nod response. one of her hands was settled on her chest to help brace herself for the incoming hiccups. another smirk came over james’ face as he said, “well you definitely have my attention now.” anna shook her head and snorted.

“this is not what i meant.” james raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

“are you sure?” at that he started to slowly circle his pelvis into hers. anna tried to suppress her grin with a smirk and raised her own brow at him.

“ah well this is different,” she quickly acquiesced. she readjusted to accommodated james better and started a sensual rhythm between their bodies. james lowered his face to hers as her arms came around his neck. he captured her top lip between his in a kiss that quickly turned passionate and open mouthed. by this point in their relationship, james and anna had had sex before but they were still in the beginnings of their sexual relationship. there had been a lot of heavy make out sessions that were dampened by one of them being tired from the day or neither of them being awake in time to do anything before they needed to get to work. it wasn’t until one innocuous saturday morning where they had nowhere to go, nobody to see, and all the pieces just fell in place and things escalated. since then, not much was needed to get them in the mood.

recently they had gone to the museum of science and industry and walked through the mock early 1900s city street with a ye olde photo booth at the end. james had murmured little anecdotes from his childhood in brooklyn that absolutely warmed and eventually melted anna’s heart. when anna spotted the photo booth she was determined to get a picture with james. she practically dragged him and they picked out their costumes for the photo. anna had chosen a flapper dress and turned around to see james with a cockeyed military hat and an army uniform.

“these are not the right buttons.” james pointed out not noticing the bedroom eyes that anna was giving him because he was so caught up in the really very minor inaccuracies. she sauntered up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. james looked up at anna’s face and saw her look and the small smirk gracing her features.

“what’s a gal gotta do to get a date with a dime like you, soldier boy?” she tilted her head to one side and started to sway from foot to foot.

utterly amused and oh so slightly turned on, james shot back, “all you gotta do is flash me with those doe eyes and i’m a goner.” james’ hands had swept up and landed on her hips to hold her as she swayed.

anna placed the top of her wrist on her brow and lent back a bit as she said, “oh my stars, you make me swoon.” both started to chuckle at her dramatics and started to move towards the actually picture taking area.

“you do look good though, anna.” she immediately started to shimmy so the fringe was do that classic flapper movement and thanked him.

now that picture of them was in a frame on the bookshelf in their living room next to the baseball james had caught at the cubs-dodgers game (that he had been initially hesitant to go to because 1) the crowd and 2) the absolute blasphemy of the dodgers being from anywhere other than brooklyn) and the huge shell they found down on the lake. turns out anna was a slight kleptomaniac when it came to shells and rocks and other things like that. she was always snatching up interesting looking rocks or loose pieces of the street for her collection. when they were rearranging the apartment in preparation for james to move in, james had gone to move a box that ended up being heavier than he thought it would be. he had called out to anna asking, "oh my god what do you have in here? rocks?"

anna had looked at the box and a blush came over her face when she had said all too seriously "yes." anna had seen the dumbfounded look on james' face and clarified "i like to collect them when i'm out about, especially when i'm traveling. and.. uh.. some of them were my great grandma's. she used to make jewelry and decorate boxes with the shells and rocks that she would collect and tumble. that seashell box i have on my desk? i got that from her." james' face had softened during her explanation and they took a break to go through her box of rocks. she couldn't remember where most of them had come from but just the act of sharing her past was one that james' treasured. this life that james was leading led him to uncover all the little things about anna and that only made him fall for her even more.

anna and james were shaping a life together. they had memories together, dogs together, an apartment together. james was finally feeling like he could maybe possibly perhaps move on and not get stuck in the past. he had a future and it involved lazing around with anna and their dogs and absolutely Not fighting in any sort of war. he was done fighting. it's not like he even wanted to fight in the first place either. one of the most anxious days of his life was the one where he got his draft papers. a fear like none he had ever felt before had zinged down his back, but he could have never told steve that because that punk had been jonesing for a fight. steve wouldn't have understood then, or at least not enough to truly feel how james had felt. it's probably why he still felt he could convince him to come back to the east coast with him to join the avengers. however, james felt confident that steve had seen his life with anna during his visits and realized that this was what james- his bucky- had wanted all along. it might have taken him a hundred years but he had finally achieved something he was proud of, that he wanted to hold on to and no one was going to take that away from him.


End file.
